Life...unfiltered

Pinned on my Beauty in the Everyday Pin board

I'm a bit of a mess.

And by a bit...I mean a lot.

And by a mess...I mean a disaster at times.

Here is the part where I stop typing and wrestle with how much of my disaster I will let you know about. 

Will you judge me if you knew it all? Would you call the Hoarders show and make me go on it? Will you stop being my friend if I let you behind the sparkly, pink curtain to reveal the unorganized piles, junk heaps, and disarray that is my life? Would you even notice that despite the clutter, the counter is spotless, I have great taste in throw pillows, and I make an amazing cup of coffee?

Can you see ME beyond my mess?

And now I wrestle a bit more.

I WANT you to think that I have it all together. That my outfits are perfectly categorized in my spotless closet. I WANT you to think that Mr. Thrifty and I frolic around town collecting items to rehab, drinking coffee, and letting the wind blow through our beard/purple hair. I WANT you to think that I only read intelligent, thought provoking books. I WANT you to think that I dance/sing/act on stage and easily breeze back in to being an accountant. That coffee is a choice not an addiction. That despite my allergies and constant body pain and terrible ADD that I overcome every day with my smile, colored hair, and cute shoes.

I WANT you to think that I find beauty in myself and the world around me EVERY STINKING DAY. (even then I WANT you to think that I would say "stinking" instead of making a swear.)

*If you would like to continue believing all of that, then please stop reading here.* 

Now is when I stop wrestling and just tell it straight.

My room is a DISASTER. Clothes, shoes, papers, jewelry, etc. thrown to the four winds. There are more clothes in piles than actually hung in my closet. 

Mr. Thrifty and I have had some really rough times. Not days or months. YEARS. All of that is for another post, but please don't look at us as the model for marriage. Oh and we frolic nowhere and Mr. Thrifty hates coffee.

I read garbage sometimes. Many times my ADD is so bad, it is work for me to read a child's coloring book. I LOVE gossip magazines and trashy novels. I am in the process of changing my reading habits, but please don't think that my bookshelves are lined with all goodness.

My return to the stage has been filled with wonderful highs, but also many lows. I am 38. My body hurts. Dancing for hours with 20-somethings does different things to a middle aged body. Running, sliding, crawling, climbing as a child like character is hard when you are half way to the end of your life. (I am laughing at how morbid I made that sound. Seriously, cracking up!) Then getting up in the morning and putting on my big girl panties and heading to a demanding career where people expect me to think and act like a grown up is HARD.

My name is Chrissy and I am a coffee addict. I wake up at 3am and wonder if it is too early to start drinking. Sometimes the only thing propelling me to work is that they have coffee there. 

I have a lot of health issues going on. I try not to share them because no one wants to hear about all that. Truth is that I have more pills in my purse than makeup and I spend more money on doctors visits than I do cute shoes and outfits. And they still aren't sure what's wrong with me. A few of the options are not good ones. 

Final truth nugget. I rarely find beauty in myself. I find it in external places...in my surroundings...in other people...in YOU! But in me? Nope. Why? Because I know all of the things listed above and MORE.

I'd like to venture a guess and say you struggle with the last one too. Your truth list probably looks different than mine, but I know you have one. All the secret bits that we all try to hide from each other. 

We put a filter on it. Crop out the laundry pile. Only post the "good stuff". Smile in photos when inside we are falling apart.

And we all lead each other to believe that we all have it together. 

You know what I call this? Lying.

Lying to each other and ourselves.

Let's pause for a second to clarify. I don't mean that I want all of us to start posting statuses whining about every hang nail that we get, every bill we get in the mail, every mean thing someone says, or basically using social media to air our dirty laundry. (We all know the people who do that. I have them hidden from my newsfeed.)

What I mean is, that we need to stop looking at each other's picture perfect posts and assuming that there is nothing but good happening behind them. We need to stop comparing our messy lives to other peoples' best case scenario lives. We need to realize that when our sweet fellow female posts her beautiful family photo that it probably took 3 hours, 2 poop incidents, and a whole lotta Jesus to get her toddlers and newborn to look cute for one photo.

Listen girls, I am preaching this to myself and adding in the proverbial "we" to make myself feel better. But I want you to hear this too.

There is a reason that we all like blooper reels from movies. We LIKE seeing that sometimes Brad Pitt falls down or that Reese Witherspoon can't say her lines or that they had to put A LOT of make up on Angelina Jolie to cover up her pimple face. 

We just want to know that we aren't the only ones who are messy in some way. We feel better when we are reminded that others are walking this same wonderful/terrible journey called life just like we are. 

So now what? Am I going to stop putting filters on my pictures and stop cropping out the unmowed grass or unwashed dishes? Heck no. I like having pretty pictures in my feed and I like looking at yours too. 

All I asking is that we all take a second and remember that behind each "perfect" picture, post, or real life interaction there is a story that is probably no where near pretty or perfect. 

That we give each other grace. And more importantly, that we give OURSELVES grace. That we find the beauty in each other, but more importantly in OURSELVES.

I think in the next few weeks I will be thinking and processing more on how we find it in ourselves. I have actually been reading non-garbage books that may help. LOL

And in case you think this is all just "talk" and I'm not for reals, here are a couple unfiltered, keeping it real pics for your enjoyment.

peace, love, and messy lives,

chrissy :)

Dirty hair, smeared makeup, reworn cardi, and addiction of choice.

Yep. I wake up like this. Be jealous.